Official Document
Medical Sick Note
Certificate of Incapacity for Work due to AI Outage
SB-D9997D3D-20260805
AI is still down. The employee remains unable to work.
Employee / Patient
Claude API User
Unable to work due to Claude API outage (Anthropic) — View service page
🩺 Diagnosis
Advanced productivity loss — AI responds only sporadically, patient spends more time waiting than working. (Affected service: Claude API — Degraded performance for Claude Mythos 5, Claude Fable 5, and Claude Opus 5)
🔮 Prognosis
The patient will likely remain incapacitated until their AI tool is back online. We recommend patience and snacks.
Issuing Physician
Dr. Packet Loss
Specialist for Technology-Induced Work Incapacity
Specialist for AI-related Work Incapacity
Sorry-Boss.com Medical Institute
Date of Issuance
August 05, 2026
07:15 UTC
Certificate #SB-D9997D3D-20260805
Certified
SICK
Sorry-Boss.com
This is a satirical document generated by Sorry-Boss.com. It is not a real medical certificate. But let's be honest — can you really work without your AI? We rest our case.